If your love life is going through a dry patch, you’re not alone. Here’s how to get your mojo back…
You used to be ‘that’ couple. You’d joke about needing an ‘early night’ and then disappear upstairs, unable to keep your hands off each other. But these days you’re too tired to even think about getting intimate — and the only thing that entices you to bed is the promise of sleep.
It’s no surprise sex is given such a low priority in our busy lives. Just getting in the mood can seem like a huge effort, let alone doing the deed.
Relationship expert Sarah Ryan says: ‘Getting stuck in a sexual slump isn’t uncommon, especially in long-term relationships. The idea of etching out a few minutes in our day to get down to it can seem exhausting, let alone sectioning off a weekend for a romantic rendezvous.’
If sleep excites you more than the promise of making love, rest assured, you can get your mojo back. Here, Sarah explains how…
If you and your partner start to kiss, is it only because you want sex? If being affectionate means only one thing in your relationship, you’ve forgotten how to ‘simmer’.
Simmering is that slow and intentional back-and-forth flirtation with your partner that’s been taken over by the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
It’s the kind of intimacy where you show your partner that you care, rather than a deep want or building of lust.
HOW: Simmering is a loving text in the middle of a busy day; a kiss on the neck when you’re running out the door; a hand on a knee under the dinner table when out with friends that says: ‘I see you and only you at this moment in time’.
There’s nothing hotter than being on the same page as your partner. Communication and trust go hand in hand with physical affection, and if you stop talking, everything else will flop too. Put simply, no communication means no under-the-covers action.
HOW: It’s easy to go days without talking properly, so tactile responses are perfect.
These could be little acts, words or showings of affection. Leave a note to explain how you feel, or choose a time to sit down, turn off your phones and just talk.
Connect regularly to show love, companionship, romantic collaboration and care.
Is your other half always leaving the toilet seat up? Do they keep forgetting to ask how your day has gone?
If the answer is yes and it leads to nagging, for the sanity of your relationship, stop!
Wouldn’t you rather be in a relationship where you appreciate each other, instead of constantly pointing out each other’s faults? Unconditional love should be a two-way street. If it isn’t and your partner constantly fails to meet your expectations, why would they risk trying to meet them in the bedroom?
HOW: Challenge yourself to one week of not sweating the small stuff. The more you do it, the easier it will get, and you’ll learn to fully understand each other’s emotional needs — both in and out of the bedroom.
FOCUS FULLY ON YOU
If you’ve become hung up on not having enough or any sex, and your to-do list is constantly hanging over you, you need to become unstuck.
To do this, you have to focus fully on you. Don’t depend on your partner for happiness and satisfaction. The more insecure and needy you are, the more drained you’ll both become.
HOW: Do that workout you’ve been putting off or see that friend you keep forgetting to spend time with. Get serious about pursuing your passions and let all of the stresses at home start to fall by the wayside.
Happiness is an attractive trait. Once you focus fully on your own happiness and self-love, it will enhance your relationship, shift your sexual slump and add excitement in the bedroom.
Edited by Julia Sidwell
For further advice, visit lessonsinlove.co.uk