Kim GregoryComment


Kim GregoryComment

A third of women NEVER orgasm during sex. Ladies, it’s time to take charge and close the orgasm gap

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It’s 2019 and we’re fighting for gender equality at work, in society and in our personal lives. 

So why aren’t we demanding it in the bedroom too?

According to research carried out by the Kinsey Institute, only 65 per cent of heterosexual women ‘usually or always’ climax during sex, compared to 95 per cent of men. Perhaps more shockingly, a third of women never orgasm during intercourse.

This disparity between the two sexes is known as ‘the orgasm gap’.

In a society that’s supposedly becoming increasingly equal, why is this still happening, especially as studies show sexual pleasure, self-esteem and satisfaction have profound impacts on our physical and mental wellbeing?

The orgasm is a natural and vital part of our health and happiness.

So how can we bring it back?

Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, says: ‘For around half of couples, reaching shared orgasms is the absolute peak of sexual happiness. For women, the key to being able to orgasm easily is to have a strong and healthy pelvic floor. 

‘Also, men can play their part during intercourse by making sure they hit the right area to stimulate the G-spot during penetration.’

Annabelle’s advice to men is simple: ‘Find out what she likes in bed and do it. It’s important to listen to your partner, be responsive to their body language and, if in doubt, ask. 

‘A woman is more likely to climax if she is relaxed, stimulated and in a state of arousal, mentally, emotionally and physically.’

Annabelle recommends lying at a 27-degree angle during intercourse, which a sex pillow will help you to find. She also suggests using kegal balls that sit inside your vagina, to help strengthen your pelvic floor.

Meanwhile, hypnotherapist and author of Cut the Crap and Feel Amazing Ailsa Frank believes we need to work on the way we think about sex to improve our experiences.

She says: ‘Not reaching climax easily could be due to several factors, including past sexual experiences, disappointments and lack of confidence or self-esteem.’

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Here are Ailsa’s simple techniques to reboot your orgasm…


Release the awkward
Think about past sexual experiences that were embarrassing, awkward or boring, then visualise future times going differently with you feeling relaxed, confident and passionate.


Communicate better 

Visualise yourself taking control of sex and telling your partner how you would like it to be. Keep your language positive too — tell them what you do like, not what you don’t.


Imagine your orgasm

Imagine all the pleasure making its way through your body, before hitting the big moment.


Eliminate frustrations
Picture a piece of silky fabric flowing, then imagine this feeling filtering across your body. Let go of emotional and physical frustrations of the past with every movement of the cloth.

For more advice from Ailsa, visit


Sex in numbers

Seventy per cent of women won’t generally orgasm from penetrative sex alone.

Thirty per cent of men think that vaginal penetration is the best way to make a woman orgasm, while more than half of women chose clitoral stimulation.

Women who experience more pleasure are more likely to ask for what they want in bed, act out fantasies and praise their partner for something they do in bed.

The three main reasons women cite for not reaching climax? Being tired and stressed, unable to relax, feeling too distracted.

The clitoris contains 8000 nerve endings, twice as many as the head of the penis.

‘I always used to fake it’

From Vicky, 38, of West London

‘I never used to orgasm during sex. I used to fake it because I didn’t want to hurt my husband’s feelings, but one day he asked me outright and I confessed I’d never had an orgasm with him. 

‘At first he was upset, but then he saw it as a challenge. He asked me what I liked and what I’d like more of. It took us both a while to stop feeling shy, but now I often climax. 

‘I thought I had to just accept a future without orgasms. I’m so glad I don’t.’

Edited by Kim Gregory