If the shine has come off the season it could be time to embrace new traditions
It’s likely been a while since you tried to catch a glimpse of Father Christmas or vied for the role of Mary in a nativity play – the days when Christmas seemed rare and exciting. As we age, it seems to come around quicker each year, so it’s perhaps natural that some of the shine comes off the season.
Georgina Sturmer, a counsellor (georginasturmer.co.uk), says, ‘As we grow older, our foundation of happy beliefs and rituals is overtaken by other realities and worries. Understanding where the gifts really come from, taking on the work that’s involved in “delivering” Christmas, budgeting, cooking, preparing and planning. And it’s amid this logistical, practical set of preparations that it’s easy to lose our sense of wonder.’
There are also many of us who grew up in a house without a happy Christmas in the first place – who have sad associations with this time of year such as a bereavement, or who are feeling isolated and lonely. All in all, it can be a tricky time to navigate when there’s so much pressure to be happy.
Can you bring back the joy?
While you’re unlikely to get back to the exact feelings of being a child, you can absolutely change your relationship to the season, says Dr Gurpreet Kaur, Clinical Psychologist and EMDR Practitioner (drkaurtherapy.com). ‘The way we perceive Christmas can change if we update the way we feel and think about it through the stories we tell ourselves. Challenging any unhelpful thoughts and updating negative beliefs or associations with Christmas and the way things are now can be a good place to start.’
For those with difficult memories associated with this time of year, it might help to work through some of those feelings, possibly reaching out for some therapeutic help, or simply writing down your feelings in a diary. And remember, you are a complex being who can experience multiple feelings at once.
‘Experiences can be felt separately and while there may be great pain, there are also opportunities to find connection, joy and awe during the festive time which are unique to you,’ says Dr Kaur.
Shake up traditions
One of the reasons people either love or loathe Christmas is the sense of the familiar. If you adore getting down the old family decorations, then carry on. But perhaps injecting some novelty into proceedings could help you see the festive period through fresh eyes.
Georgina says, ‘At Christmas there is often a blanket assumption that everyone shares a sense of joy and wonder, based on happy family traditions. The reality is that this simply isn’t the case for many people. And if Christmas memories don’t bring a sense of happiness, then we have the opportunity to make our own choices as adults.’
At its heart, Christmas is about connection. Spending time with people who make you feel happy (rather than those you might feel obligated to see) is a great place to start,
‘But if that isn’t possible,’ adds Dr Kaur, ‘connect to alternative stimulation such as good books, podcasts etc, that help you feel connected and positive.’
If your friends tend to be busy with their own families, look to the New Year and begin 2025 with some dates to look forward to. Look out for ways to join groups – whether it’s a new art or book group, singing in a choir or volunteering.
‘Rituals and tradition and fun are important, especially in the middle of winter when the nights are drawing in,’ points out Georgina. ‘Ask yourself what a happy Christmas’ would really look like – one possible prompt is, “If this was my last day on earth, what would I do with it?” Perhaps it would be staying away from home, somewhere completely different – or visiting a festive market in a different town in the lead-up.
‘If we want to feel more wonder, we can also engage in less familiar, more novel and unique activities which have a fun element to them,’ says Dr Kaur. ‘Get creative here, keeping only the traditions that you really love, and making room for something different. Happiness - like the perfect present - is unique to all of us, but spending a bit of time thinking about what makes you tick can help you unwrap some festive magic.’