Stuck in a rut? It’s time to take action and get the life you really want
Do you dream of a different life? Perhaps you long to leave a job that doesn’t inspire you, distance yourself from friends who bring you down or move on from relationships that drain you.
The idea of stepping out of your comfort zone can feel overwhelming.
So, how do you even begin?
Best-selling author and life coach Mel Robbins says: ‘It’s important to remember that you are just one decision away from a different life. You deserve a better life, a life where you feel fulfilled and happy and most importantly, in control. Growth is painful but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.’
Perhaps it’s no wonder that the last few years of unprecedented change and uncertainty have left many of us feeling afraid of doing anything out of our comfort zones.
Mel says: ‘The past three years have left us spinning, feeling uneasy and many of us are so exhausted that we feel like we don’t have the energy to do anything more.
‘But would you rather sit in the pain of feeling unfulfilled or experience the growing pains of going after what you want and what you deserve?’
It seems like an easy answer, but the truth is, so many of us settle for where we are now instead of taking the chance on something new.
However, as author Courtney Stevens says: ‘If nothing changes, nothing changes. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to keep getting what you’re getting. You want change, make some.’
Mel adds: ‘All it takes is one small decision every day to do something different. Little by little, a little becomes a lot. And those small changes shake up your routine and change everything.’
Clinical psychologist and author of Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before Dr Julie Smith agrees, saying: ‘If you’re waiting to feel more confident before you start doing that thing that you’ve always wanted to do, stop. Confidence doesn’t come first, action does. And the thing that you do every day will become your comfort zone.
‘You don’t have to start with something overwhelming. Pick something that feels challenging but manageable. If you can stay in the feared situation for as long as possible, your body will habituate to your environment and calm over time. During that time use self-soothing skills to help you through it.
‘The more you repeat a behaviour, the more it becomes part of your comfort zone. Allow fear to be with you, don’t push it away. Avoidance is the number one thing that feeds anxiety and makes it worse over time. So, if there is something you want to master but it makes you feel anxious, do it as often as you possibly can.’
Try these tips…
Build a stretch zone
Dr Julie says: ‘Everyone has a comfort zone, and everything outside of that is overwhelming and frightening. Let’s call that the panic zone. But what if I told you that there is a third zone? A stretch zone. This is where things feel like a challenge but are doable with some effort.
‘When you spend time in that stretch zone, you start doing all those small things that challenge you and your comfort zone starts to expand so you can build your confidence without ever having to step into your panic zone. It takes courage, but the more time you spend there, the more confident you become.’
Action cures fear
If you want more confidence in any part of your life, it begins with taking action. When you take action, you improve your skills, and the more you practise, the better you get — it’s that simple. The more competence you acquire, the more it fuels your self-belief. It’s a whole lot easier to be confident when you’re better at something. If you want to be good at something, you must be willing to be bad at it first. Your self-belief boosts your confidence, and confidence motivates more action. That’s when you become unstoppable.
Have that difficult conversation
Mel says: ‘Avoiding a difficult conversation only makes it harder because keeping the peace starts a war inside you. You have to learn how to sit in the discomfort and push through it, rather than push it away. It’s the only way to create healthier relationships and have a happier life.’