If you find you’re worrying about everything from the big things, like the global pandemic, to small things, such as whether you’ve taken the bins out — then it’s time to take back control.
Dr Rose Aghdami, consulting and coaching psychologist and resilience specialist says that while worrying can have its place, most of the time it’s unnecessary — because it changes nothing.
She says: ‘Worrying thoughts often start with what if...? and predict that something that hasn’t happened yet will go wrong. This means we’re looking for potential problems so that we’re prepared. The trouble is, people don’t usually take the opportunity to use their worries to prepare, and as a result, feel helpless, which leads to more worry.’
She adds: ‘By predicting that something will go wrong, people believe they’re saving themselves from disappointment. For example, if you worry that a job interview will go badly, and then don’t get the job, you can tell yourself: I knew that would happen, so it’s no surprise.
‘However, most of the time our worries don’t come true, so worrying to spare yourself disappointment only leads to more worries.’
Usually, we know what we’re worrying about. It’s the experience of having negative thoughts about something that seems scary, or you feel that you can’t manage.
But anxiety can feel quite different.
‘Anxiety involves physical symptoms and a feeling of dread without really knowing why,’ explains Dr Aghdami.
Chloe Brotheridge, author of The Anxiety Solution, agrees.
She says: ‘Anxiety is an umbrella term to describe symptoms which include worry, feelings of tension, a racing heart, shaking, sweating or having trouble sleeping, among many others.’
How can I worry less?
Here are seven tips to try…
Focus on what you DO know
‘Remember that worries come from your own thoughts, and that predicting that things will go wrong is pure speculation,’ says Dr Aghdami. ‘Next time this happens, focus on what you do know instead of speculating on what you don’t yet know.’
Ask: ‘Am I being rational?’
Is there any real evidence that your worries will definitely come true? Probably not. Ask yourself how likely it is that your worries will come true. The answer is probably very unlikely.
Fact or feeling?
Remember you might be confusing feelings with facts — you feel as though you won’t cope with something so you believe you can’t. This is not necessarily the case.
Give yourself time to worry
‘Set aside 20 minutes of “worry time” a day, where you write down your worries and think of any action you can take that may be beneficial,’ suggests Chloe. ‘This can help you to keep the time you worry to certain times of day.’
Be kind to yourself
Be aware that worries and anxiety increase when you’re tired, stressed, or feeling unwell. Be gentle with yourself.
Get physical
It can help to get out of your mind and into your body.
‘Try walking, dancing, shaking your body or having a stretch. It can act as a pattern interrupt and bring your focus back to the here and now,’ says Chloe.
Reduce your physical agitation
If you’re feeling anxious, try to reduce the physical agitation first because you can’t think clearly when you’re tense.
Dr Aghdami says: ‘Drop your shoulders and breathe out slowly. Then breathe low into your tummy, and notice your body beginning to relax and your thoughts becoming clearer. You can also practise low breathing when you don’t need it, so when you do need it, you can use it straight away to feel more physically relaxed.’
Edited by Clare Swatman
Chloe Brotheridge is a hypnotherapist and coach at calmer-you.com. She’s the author of The Anxiety Solution and Brave New Girl.
Dr Rose Aghdami’s Facebook page Calm, Confident and Resilient has help and advice.
When to seek help
If you experience physical symptoms and disrupted sleep for two weeks, see your GP. Or contact a psychologist — Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is very effective in teaching skills to address anxiety.