Teens and mental health – what every parent needs to know

There’s a one-in-six chance your teen is suffering. So how can you tell, and what should you do?

We all want the very best for our kids, but these days it’s becoming harder for parents to know how to ensure that’s what they have.

The NHS recently revealed that one in six children aged six to 16 has a mental health disorder. The study also found that these problems increase the older the children get, with one in six older teens having an eating disorder, and 20 per cent of girls and 16 per cent of boys aged 11-16 having a mental health disorder.

Given these numbers, it’s probable that you know a young person who needs help.

But what is fuelling this rise?

Dr Anne Lane is a clinical psychologist and author of Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence: 5 Steps to Help Your Child Cope with Big Emotions and Build Resilience.

She says: ‘It’s a combination of things. We’re more aware of mental health, so more people will seek a psychologist than they would have done 20 years ago. Parents also have a greater awareness of signs in their children.

‘But we’re living in quite a complex society and there are lots of comparisons of teenagers on social media, lots of complicated information about our emotions, and children are more aware of things that go wrong — eating disorders, self-harm, anxiety and depression.’

Dr Lane says this awareness means that many teenagers are more sophisticated than the teenagers of 20 years ago, and better able to explain how they’re feeling.

‘But,’ she adds, ‘sometimes, with social media and the internet, they can find a more complex array of things they can do in response to their emotions, and this can really escalate things quickly.’

Dr Lane says it’s important for parents to check what their teenagers are looking at on social media.

She says: ‘A lot of the self-harm content is removed, but there is still a lot of complicated information on there for children.’

The most prevalent disorders Dr Lane comes across are anxiety in girls, and anger management and depression in boys.

‘There are also a lot of eating disorders, and lockdown really increased that pressure on young people,’ she says.

Self-harm, she says, is more a sign of a bigger problem than a problem in itself.

Dr Lane says one of the negative impacts of social media on teens is ‘comparison’.

She explains: ‘Whereas in the past you might have seen someone better-looking than you and you might have just shrugged your shoulders, now with social media, there’s a pressure to do something about it. Social media is complicated, and for most adolescents, it’s their world and their social life. But there is a level where it can become damaging.’

The trouble is that many teenagers pull away and don’t want to talk.

‘We need to create that link and make sure we’re spending time with them, watching TV with them or going for a walk. Because the better our relationship with our teens, the more able we are to pick up on difficulties,’ she says.

She advises putting limits on social media use, and recommends a general limit of no more than two hours in the evening and not to let them go to bed with their phone.

‘Children’s sleep can be really impaired by messaging their friends into the night,’ she says. ‘Lots of teens are messaging their friends at two in the morning and this really impacts their mental health — that disruption to sleep.’

The most important advice, however, is to keep talking.

‘Don’t tell them off for how they’re feeling,’ she says. ‘Instead use words such as: “That makes sense, I can understand how you’re feeling.”

‘They can get very snappy and irritable and it’s best to try not to snap back at that reaction. Try to say: “I’ll find you later”, and step away for a while.’

If things do get bad, Dr Lane advises asking your child who they’d like to speak to.

‘Teenagers often talk a lot more to people outside the family than they do with parents,’ she says. ‘So say: “Who can we talk to? Would you like to talk to the GP? A teacher?”

‘It’s better to give your child access to someone outside the family who’s older and a bit more grounded.’

● Dr Lane is on Instagram @dr.annelane, and her book Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence is available now.

Signs your teen might have a problem