Spending quality time with your kids every day is as good for you as it is for your children
With school closures causing children to feel frustrated, bored and isolated from their friends, this past year has been challenging for every family.
According to research by The Children’s Society, the pandemic has led to over one million children feeling unhappy.
But the solution to improving their wellbeing could lie in devoting just 15 minutes a day to mindful moments spent together.
Psychotherapist Joanna Fortune, who specialises in the parent-child relationship, believes small changes make a big difference.
She says: ‘Parenting is a 24/7 job, making sure everyone is washed, fed and where they need to be. But studies show that children who grow up in families where spending time together is a regular practice, tend to display less challenging behaviours.
‘Find an opportunity for shared joy every day and you’ll see positive changes in your children, with fewer tears and more laughter.’
Joanna encourages families to build quality time into every day, even when you don’t have ‘quantity’ time.
‘You can most definitely do enough in 15 uninterrupted minutes,’ Joanna says. ‘Find a daily window, then turn off your phone and be present. Children don’t want stuff from us, they want our time. Giving them this gift is like filling up the family love cup. Playful connection isn’t only good for children. It’s good for our own wellbeing too.’
Parenting: 0-7 years
Play is the language of children, so if you feel like you don’t know how to play, follow their lead.
The rise of technology has led to more sedentary games, but creative and imaginative play helps develop strong physical and mental health. So encourage your child’s curiosity.
Toddlers love sensory activities such as singing, dancing, painting and playing with Play-Doh. Some parents dread the mess, but it’s important for children to experience these things
Older children will be starting to enjoy stories that help them to process life experiences, so make time to read together.
Children are sensitive to subtle messages, so when we are too busy or distracted to play, they feel disconnected from us, which can lead to acting-out behaviours. A simple smile tells them you’re happy to spend time with them, no matter what else has happened in your day.
Parenting: 8-12 years
These years are a time for significant development as your child’s brain matures. Play remains essential, yet this is often a time when we stop, presuming they’ve grown out of active play and would rather enjoy passive play, such as computer games.
Children this age need opportunities to assert their desires, so activities such as making jewellery or pizza give your child the freedom to express their individuality.
Safe risk-taking activities such as climbing trees, allow young bodies to thrive.
While older kids will be pulling away into adolescence, there’s still plenty of shared joy to be found. Tweenagers are capable of critical thinking and problem solving, so include them in conversations about world events, and try family board games such as Cranium to encourage teamwork.
Parenting: the teenage years
Communication can become more challenging, but even now, 15 minutes of playful, creative time can hold and strengthen your connection. When given the opportunity to engage in play, this age group shows more resilient mental health.
Remember, we’re never too old for playfulness, despite what your teenager might tell you. Play is not a box of toys — it’s a state of mind. Try collaborating on a project, such as upcycling the furniture for their bedroom. Or if you sing and dance together, you might even end up starring in one of their TikTok videos.
Be interested in your teenager’s life without being intrusive. The teenage brain is overwhelmed by hormones and emotions, and a simple way to help them relax could be doodling together.
At this life stage conflict is inevitable, but a hug after an argument signals that, while we will fall out sometimes, we’ll always love each other. Teenagers still need their parents.
Edited by Kim Willis
Joanna Fortune’s 15-Minute Parenting series is available in ebook, paperback and audio from Amazon, Apple Books, Google Play and Kobo.