When’s the right time for your child to have a mobile phone? Are they safe at ANY age? You might be surprised by the answer
They’ve pouted, begged, cried and cajoled, and you’ve stood your ground.
But next day the question comes yet again.
‘Mum, when can I have a mobile phone?’
Smartphones are the must-have gadget of the 21st century. They can do so much and be a valuable resource. And yet, there are clear downsides and dangers.
Tech giant Bill Gates didn’t allow his children to have mobile phones until they were 14, but studies show many parents let kids as young as five have a device.
So what is the right age for your child to have a phone?
Child psychotherapist Rachel Melville-Thomas says there’s no simple answer. Instead, the important thing is to sit down with your child and talk about whether they actually need a phone in the first place — and why.
She says: ‘If they’re walking to school alone, or going to clubs or activities and need to call you, consider buying them a phone with no internet access.
‘But if that’s not the case, ask them why they want a phone — who do they need to call? What are they planning to do with it?’
Rachel believes that below the age of 10, a child only needs a phone to make calls.
‘They don’t need online access,’ she says.
So why do parents feel pressure to give in to their children’s demands.
‘Your child might say they’re missing out, or that everyone else has a phone, but you must not be afraid to say no,’ says Rachel. ‘Many parents are afraid of losing the friendship of their child. But letting a child have a phone too soon is like teaching them about road safety, then letting them play on a motorway.
‘It sounds extreme, but that is what it’s like.’
We all know the dangers of children becoming involved with social media too young. But there are other, less obvious, problems with letting younger kids have any kind of phone.
Rachel says: ‘Developmentally, from toddlerhood to age seven, children need to practise face-to-face chatting, managing their feelings, reading body language and facial expressions and managing frustration. This can only be done through human interaction.’
Another problem is that phones flood the brain with dopamine — a neuro-transmitter that makes us feel pleasure — and this can affect the way a child behaves.
Rachel says: ‘When your phone bleeps, or you get a message, you get a dopamine rush which makes you check it again and again.
‘This is what young children are feeling when their phone beeps. It replaces the dopamine rush they would otherwise have got from going downhill on a bike or meeting a friend. And they start learning patterns that will affect their social lives as teenagers.’
Eventually, however, most teens will end up with a phone. And Rachel has advice for parents.
She says: ‘If you get your older child an internet-access phone, think about using passwords for what they can and can’t access, and also think about screen time rules.
‘Most importantly, don’t be afraid to say no.’
Edited by Julie Cook
‘I waited until my daughter was 10’
My daughter Ruby is 11 and a half. She had friends at school who got phones when they were seven or eight, but I always said no.
By aged 10, all her friends had phones.
Secondary school was creeping up, and she’d walk to school on her own, so I felt it was the right time.
At first, I monitored what she was up to. I checked who she was messaging and what apps she was downloading.
The worst thing was when I saw she was in a WhatsApp group with other children who were being horrible to each other. Luckily, Ruby wasn’t involved, and she left those groups.
She was reluctant to let me have a password to her phone but I have touch ID, so I can access it whenever I need to.
For me, 10 seemed the perfect age — the right age to gain experience of how to use technology efficiently. The idea of a five-year-old having a phone is ludicrous.
From Sally Windsor, 39, of Crawley, West Sussex