Facing a marriage break-up in 2025? Here’s our guide to ‘un-coupling’ your finances
The first week in January reportedly sees a spike in couples filing papers to end their marriages.
With 42 per cent of UK marriages ending in divorce, how can you navigate the process of dividing your assets fairly, keeping things civil, and looking out for any children from the relationship?
Solicitor Teresa Payne, 57, is a managing partner law firm Parfitt Cresswell and author of The Good Divorce Guide. She trained as a lawyer after finding the experience of her own divorce so bruising.
Now, after more than 20 years helping other people through their divorces, Teresa shares her tips…
Get your mindset right
Instead of focusing on the ‘failed’ marriage, focus on a successful divorce. Divorce is just the process you go through to get to the next chapter in your life — for both of you.
Often emotions take over and the ‘blame game’ comes in. But that won’t help you to sort the situation out.
Ask yourself, ‘What is the best outcome I could ask for, for the whole family — including my ex?’
Know your numbers
If you can, sit down with your partner and talk honestly about what your finances look like. Do you have a family home? Any savings? Does one or both of you have a pension? How much is in the joint pot? That’s what you’ve got to decide how to divide.
Sometimes one partner will have all the financial knowledge and will control most of the assets. If somebody tries to hide what they’ve got you can go through the courts. You can also write to banks to ask them to disclose any bank accounts that are held by your ex.
If it comes out after an agreement has been settled that an asset wasn’t declared, you can go back to the court and ask them to look at the matter again.
Find the right solicitor
Choose a family law expert. Ideally they’ll be a member of the ‘Resolution’ organisation, because that means they’re committed to finding a constructive solution to family disputes.
You can make an informal agreement without a solicitor about how you’ll divide the assets and who’ll look after any children. But without legal advice, you won’t know whether you’re being too fair — or not fair enough.
Remember that financial circumstances can change for you both. If you don’t get a court order to close the finances off, either party (provided they haven’t remarried) can go back years down the line and make a further claim.
If you and your ex are struggling to reach an agreement between you, you can have a solicitor negotiate on your behalf. Or you can think about mediation.
The court prefers couples to come to an arrangement about where any children will live and who will care for them between themselves. But again, if you can’t reach an agreement, you can make an application to the court for a decision.
Time is money
Solicitors charge by the hour, so familiarise yourself with the divorce process before you go into your first meeting. My book is a good start!
You’ll likely have lots of questions, but don’t fire off emails the minute one comes into your mind. Save your queries up and then send just one email for your solicitor to respond to. Their time costs you money!
Delays can also become expensive. If you’re the one instigating your divorce, your partner may not be ready to deal with things.
Sometimes it’s wise to give them breathing space, but if things are dragging you can suggest counselling or therapy or even a divorce coach to encourage your ex to get on board with what’s happening. Sometimes you even need to issue court proceedings just to get someone to engage.
Keep communicating
Ask your solicitor to keep the tone of any letters friendly. It’s worth asking to see letters before they are sent.
If appropriate, warning your ex that there’s a letter on its way can take the heat out of things, though that’s not always possible, in cases where the relationship has become hostile. If you’re a woman affected by domestic abuse, you can contact Refuge on 0808 2000 247.
Only when an agreement is reached do you go to court and ask for the court to make it final.
After a settlement is reached…
Getting the court stamp on an order won’t automatically make things happen. If you’ve got a pension sharing order for example, you need to make sure that the pension fund is notified and they actually implement that. There may also be situations where a property needs to be sold.
Don’t forget to review your will too. After the divorce is finalised, any provision you make for your ex is revoked — and if you’ve made your ex your executor, they’ll be taken out, potentially leaving you without one.
