Life was chaotic growing up, but after 37 years I finally found what I’d longed for. By Stephanie Ellison, 40
Wandering around the caravan where I lived with my family, I was confused.
Where’s Dad? I wondered.
I was only five and he’d simply disappeared.
Not long after, my older brother and sister left too.
‘They’ve been adopted,’ Mum said.
I didn’t understand that either, only that it meant my family had shrunk to just me, my brother Shaun and Mum.
Sometimes we lived in a caravan, sometimes a hotel and sometimes even a car.
Our chaotic lifestyle continued into my teens when I got my first job in a petrol station.
A year after Shaun left home to live with his girlfriend, Mum and I had an almighty row and I ended up walking out.
I went to a phone box and called a friend from work who let me stay for a few months.
At school, I worked hard to keep up with my classmates while I held down a job in the evenings.
One thing I knew for certain was that I didn’t want to go back to foster care, so I asked my friend to help me get legal advice to ‘divorce’ my parents.
After many meetings, when the day came to go to court, I nervously turned up, not sure if I was doing the right thing.
Mum had been summoned but was nowhere to be seen.
Deep down, I’d longed for her to be there and tell everyone how she was going to change and be a good mum.
But my lawyer said, ‘The fact she’s not here is in your favour, sweetheart.’
As I stood in front of the judge, she asked, ‘Are you capable of living by yourself?’
‘Yes,’ I replied.
‘If you so much as miss a class at school, you’ll be back in care,’ she warned, and I nodded.
But it was tough. Although I’d saved enough money from work to rent a small caravan, at times I struggled.
One day at school, I realised my purse had been stolen from my bag with my rent money in it to give my landlord later.
When I fled the classroom, my teacher followed me and found me collapsed in tears.
‘I’m going to be made homeless,’ I sobbed.
‘Don’t worry about anything,’ she said, gently.
I was speechless when at the end of the day she handed me an envelope with £450 stuffed inside.
‘The children and teachers were giving their lunch money for you, Stephanie,’ she said. ‘We love and care about you and you’re not alone.’
Not long after, I met a girl called Andi at the garage where I worked.
She was my age and she invited me to her church youth group.
When I arrived I felt a warmth and friendliness I’d never had in my life.
‘Hi, I’m Gina,’ Andi’s mum said.
I knew immediately she was a good person and her marriage to Bill, Andi’s dad, was a happy one.
It took me a while to accept their invitation to dinner because I couldn’t believe they wanted me.
But slowly, I began to feel more comfortable going over to visit them, Andi and her sister Alyssa.
Their lives couldn’t have been more different from my upbringing.
Gina cleaned the house every week and cooked her family a meal each evening, something that my mum never did.
When Gina asked me whether I’d like to move in with them, I was taken aback.
‘What if I make a mistake and mess up?’ I asked.
‘That’s OK, because we love you,’ she replied.
Grateful, I moved in and a few months later, Gina helped me apply for a counselling course at university.
Through voluntary work at a homeless charity, I met Danny and fell in love. We married six months later.
When our daughter Molly was born, I felt a love more powerful than anything I’d ever known.
And it made me realise something that I was missing in my own life.
I was at Gina and Bill’s for a meal one day when Molly was just a few months old, and I plucked up the courage to ask them something.
‘Can I call you Mum and Dad?’ I said.
‘Yes!’ they both replied. ‘We love you so much.’
From then on, I felt our bond was even stronger, so much so that Mum was even at the birth of my youngest daughter Willow, three years later.
Visiting Mum and Dad one day a few years on, they handed me adoption papers.
‘We want to make it official,’ they said.
‘Are you sure?’ I asked, tearfully.
They explained they wanted me to feel secure and part of the family if anything happened to them.
Soon after, we all went to court where Mum and Dad legally adopted me.
All my family and friends were overjoyed for me because they knew a family was all I’d ever wanted.
I was 37 by now, and a mum of five daughters, so an adoption ceremony might have seemed odd to some people.
The court staff even remarked on how unusual it was to be adopted at my age.
But it was a beautiful day and I’d never felt so happy.
Now, I work in counselling alongside families who are struggling and my aim where possible is to keep them together.
I endured such a hard childhood, but I know how lucky I was to have had my mum and dad, Gina and Bill, and Alyssa and Andi come into my life.
They showed me unconditional love and I can never thank them enough for their kindness.
Without them, I know that my world would be very different.