When tragedy struck twice, Deborah made an unexpected decision…
Plonking myself down on the sofa, I sighed. ‘I’m burning up,’
I cursed to my husband, Mike.
I was going through the menopause and struggling with symptoms such as hot flashes, heavy periods, constant nausea and chronic fatigue.
I’d been prescribed HRT, but it wasn’t touching the sides.
‘It’s just never-ending,’ I despaired.
It wasn’t getting easier so I took myself to my GP, who did further tests.
After CT scans and a biopsy, it was discovered I had an inflamed lymph node in my groin.
Following further testing, I was given a devastating diagnosis.
‘You haven’t actually started the menopause,’ the doctor explained. ‘You have non-Hodgkin lymphoma, a type of blood cancer that can affect the entire body.’
I couldn’t believe it.
As it was lockdown, I was alone, and it was a lot to take in.
Immediately, I started treatment which was a mix of chemotherapy and various drugs.
It was gruelling and, due to Covid, I had to go into the hospital by myself while Mike waited in the car.
To make matters worse, my body reacted badly to the chemo and it caused serious kidney and liver problems.
It also forced my body into a medical menopause.
But after a year, doctors confirmed the news I’d longed to hear.
I was in remission!
‘I want to do something meaningful’
However, I was about to be delivered yet another devastating blow.
Just five weeks later, my beloved 18-year-old nephew Archie took his life.
Our entire family was just heartbroken.
After his funeral, I had an epiphany.
‘I want to do something meaningful,’ I told Mike.
‘Like what?’ he asked supportively.
‘I’m thinking of a career change,’ I replied. ‘I’d love to
be a celebrant.’
It was something I’d been thinking of for a while.
For the past 25 years, I’d worked in the technology sector and part of my role involved public speaking.
I’d also worked in HR and had grief counselling training.
‘The idea of sharing big moments in people’s lives really appeals to me,’ I added.
‘You’d be perfect,’ Mike smiled.
Next day, I came across the Association of Independent Celebrants.
They specialised in training people to cover all sorts of life events – from baby namings to weddings.
I signed up and, after just a few months, I was qualified and ready to lead my first service!
A family wanted me for their father’s funeral.
I went around to their home to find out more about him, asking all about his life, quirks and passions.
It felt such an honour that they had entrusted me with such an important moment in their lives.
At home, I wrote down what I was going to say, then recorded myself on
my phone.
After that, I listened to it on a loop, ensuring I had everything memorised.
When the day arrived,
I nervously walked to the front of the church. But any anxiety ebbed away when I started speaking. Even though it was a funeral, there was lots of laughter as memories were shared.
At the end of the service, his family were so kind.
‘You really captured our dad,’ one of his daughters said, hugging me. It meant so much.
Since then I’ve been a celebrant for other funerals, weddings, vow renewals, baby namings – you name it! Life is short, and I’ve learnt you need to grab it by the horns.
I’ve no regrets ditching my desk job for ‘I do’s’. In fact, I wish I’d done it sooner.
I adore my work and that no two ceremonies are the same. But the one thing that does bind them is love.
And I just know that Archie
is looking down on me, proud of his auntie.
Me, his mum Emma and all those that loved him are doing all we can to keep his memory alive – and to change the conversation around suicide. He was an amazing young man who truly inspired me to follow my dream. From Deborah Meddins, 52, of Hereford *To find out more about becoming a celebrant, visit independentcelebrants.com