I’d been feeling frumpy and fed-up, when my fella made a shocking suggestion. By Anna Gilbert, 52
As I turned the pages of the magazine in front of me, my eye was drawn to the tall, slender models dressed in glamorous clothes.
I’d love to do that, I thought. But I’m not cut out for it.
At 18, I’d given modelling a try by entering the Miss Brighton competition. But I hadn’t made it past the first round and it had put me off trying again.
I’d put those dreams of a glamorous lifestyle behind me and got a job as a veterinary nurse instead.
At 22, I’d married my childhood sweetheart Mark and we’d gone on to have three children — Milly, Ellie-Mae and Max.
Like lots of busy working mums, juggling work with raising a family meant I barely had time to look after myself. I’d live in jeans and baggy tops and hardly ever got the chance to break out my make-up bag!
Now, looking at the models in the magazine, I felt frumpier than ever.
One evening, as Mark and I got ready to go out to dinner,
I couldn’t decide on an outfit.
‘Does this suit me?’ I asked. ‘Or do I look fat in it?’
‘You look beautiful whatever you wear,’ he replied.
It was lovely that he thought that, but it didn’t make me feel any better about myself.
As my 40th birthday approached, my confidence hit an all-time low.
When the big day arrived, Mark had a surprise for me.
‘I’ve arranged for you to have your hair and make-up done, followed by a photography session with a professional photographer,’ he said.
I knew he’d done it to help boost my confidence.
‘Thanks, love,’ I said. ‘That’s really thoughtful.’
Then he dropped a bombshell.
‘It’s a naked photoshoot,’ he said, and I gasped in horror.
‘There’s no way I’m doing that!’ I cried.
‘It’ll be really tasteful,’ Mark said. ‘Just give it a try, you might enjoy it.’
Arriving at the studio, I felt sick with nerves. But when I met the female photographer doing the shoot, I started to relax. I just followed her direction and tried to not think about the fact that I was in my birthday suit!
When she showed me the photos at the end of the session, I was really pleased.
‘I can’t believe that’s me!’ I said.
But while it gave me a boost, it didn’t last.
Then just after my 50th birthday, I challenged myself to walk 10 miles every day for two weeks for the mental health charity Mind.
I posted photos and videos on social media and found I enjoyed being in front of the camera.
‘I want to do modelling,’ I said to Mark.
I looked into it and learnt all about the ‘classic model’ category for women aged 50 and over. I knew I’d fit in perfectly.
Lockdown delayed my plans. But in the meantime, Mark took some practice photos while we were on our daily walks near our home in Newhaven, East Sussex.
When I began posting them on Instagram, I got so many positive comments, my confidence grew.
And when I sent them off to modelling agencies, the work began to roll in.
In one of my favourite shoots, my body was covered in gold leaf and I was draped in a gold sheet.
A few years earlier I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do anything as daring as that. But as the camera flashed, I looked into the lens while pouring a glass of champagne and felt like a million dollars.
The shoot pushed me out of my comfort zone, but afterwards I felt so empowered.
Now I’ve worked as a film and TV extra, appeared in adverts, a music video with Ed Sheeran — and even won the title of Classic Miss Brighton, all these years later.
Most importantly, I’ve rediscovered who I am and realised that I don’t have to change to be confident. I just had to learn to love myself.