Grieving her husband, Cathy wasn't looking for love. But when she was charmed by a military man online, she let her guard down...
Sweeping my brush over the canvas, I felt peace.
I’d recently taken up watercolour painting, and it had helped me cope after the loss of my husband Wayne.
My daughter Alley, 34, was on TikTok and I decided to join and connect with other art lovers.
‘Are you on TikTok again, Mum?’ Alley smiled, after getting in from work one day.
We were close, and after Wayne died, we’d moved in together.
‘Yes, it’s amazing what you can learn,’ I said.
A couple of months later, I logged on and found a new message from a man in the same art group as me.
Thomas asked if I wanted to discuss a painting.
After a week of swapping messages, he opened up about his personal life.
He told me he was 49 – 11 years younger than me – a civil mechanical engineer in the
US Army and had two boys.
I lost my wife in a car crash, he said.
I’m so sorry, I told him. I’m a widow too.
A couple of days later, Thomas told me he was being deployed to Iraq.
What about your boys?
I asked.
He said his aunt would look after them.
One day, he video-called me.
He was sitting on the couch next to his sons, who were waving at me.
Later, he sent me a picture of him on the plane, in his military uniform.
He’s attractive, I thought.
Straight after he landed in Iraq, he sent me a message.
It’s going to be lonely here, so I hope you don’t mind me contacting you, he said.
Call whenever you want,
I replied.
Seven hours behind, he would always ring at 3am.
Every day, we swapped photos of ourselves.
And despite not wanting a relationship, I developed feelings for him.
A month later, Thomas
told me he couldn’t access funds from his bank.
You must be getting paid? I asked.
Yes, but it doesn’t cover wi-fi, he said.
He asked if I could send him $100 so we could keep on communicating.
He seemed so genuine, so I transferred the money.
Only, a week later, he asked for more money.
My auntie is taking the boys on an outing, he said.
'Are you sure this isn't a scam?'
He asked if I could supply $250 per boy for their trip and he would pay me back.
I’m a pensioner, I can’t afford this, I said, shocked.
I’ve never felt this way about anyone since my wife, he said.
I sent the money, not wanting his kids to miss out.
A couple of months later, he said he was being sent home and wanted to fly out to see me, but he didn’t have money for the airfare. He sent me the flight times and asked if I could cover it.
By now, I was falling in love with him. But I didn’t have much money left and confided in Alley.
‘Are you sure this isn’t a scam?’ she said.
‘No,’ I insisted, showing her the photos he’d sent me.
She was sceptical, but knowing how happy I was, she agreed to pay $3,200 for his plane ticket.
‘This is a one-off,’ she said.
After I sent Thomas the money, he forwarded me a photo of his suitcase.
Before his flight, he told me he wanted to marry me.
Things were moving fast — we’d only been talking a couple of months.
However, he was so insistent, he wore me down.
Then, he made another request.
For him to be released from his post, it would cost $5,000.
Absolutely not, I said.
He didn’t mention it again and said he was on his way to the airport.
Thomas had put me in contact with his commander because
I had needed clarification of his forms.
After radio silence from Thomas for two days, his commander messaged me.
He said he hadn’t heard from Thomas since he’d been on a minibus travelling from his compound to the airport.
Please let me know what’s happened, I replied, worried.
Thomas had never given me his number for security reasons.
Next day, the commander called me.
‘You better sit down,’ he said. ‘The minibus was ambushed.’
I gasped as he sent me a photo of Thomas injured in hospital.
However, something wasn’t adding up.
In the pic, Thomas looked happy, and the doctor was grinning and posing with a thumbs up.
I talked to him from hospital, where he said he needed me to pay $12,000 for his medical bills.
‘No way, stop lying to me,’ I said.
But he insisted he wasn’t.
Angry, I didn’t talk to him for a week.
But I was still madly in love and got back in touch.
Only, the clamour for cash became too much and one day, I confronted him.
‘This is a scam, and I’m sick and tired of it,’
I said.
By then, I’d handed over $20,000 — roughly £15,000.
I hadn’t told Alley how much I’d given because I felt so ashamed.
My life was spinning out of control, and I didn’t know what to believe.
Suddenly, Thomas started to get angry at me, so I blocked him.
But then, his commander told me Thomas was depressed and threatening to kill himself.
I agreed to talk to him, and Thomas got back under my skin.
He told me he wanted to spend his life with me.
‘You need to pay me back first,’ I said.
He arranged to pay me $15,000 and the next day, it was in my account.
Then Thomas said he needed the money urgently, but promised I would get all my cash back in two weeks.
He then explained I would need to make two withdrawals of $7,500 and send them back to him via Bitcoin.
I was confused and when I went to the bank and explained what I was doing to the teller, she was concerned.
‘This sounds like
a romance scam,’ she said.
When I told Thomas what the bank had said, he exploded in rage.
Shaking, I blocked him again.
Three weeks later, the bank confirmed the money from Thomas was fraudulent, so the $15,000 wasn’t released into my account.
'The minibus was ambushed'
I told Alley everything.
She was angry I’d been taken advantage of, but so supportive.
Meanwhile, I felt as if I was grieving someone who didn’t exist.
I decided to unblock Thomas so I could tell him I knew he was a scammer.
US military officials know your address and they’re coming to hurt you, he threatened.
Terrified, Alley and I went straight to the police.
They reassured me
I was safe, but I was
too scared to leave
the house.
One day, I was on YouTube watching videos about romance scams, when I gasped.
‘That’s Thomas!’ I cried.
It was a video chat between Ruth, who ran ScamHaters United, a Facebook support page for victims of romance scams, and a man called Dustin, whose pics had been stolen by my scammer.
I reached out to Dustin and he said his photos had been stolen thousands of times by romance scammers.
I sent Ruth a long email about what I’d been through.
She was incredible and picked me up off the floor.
The more we talked, the more I learnt how the scammers operated.
Mine had love-bombed me, used fake AI videos and called me in the early hours, so I would be sleep-deprived and therefore an easier target.
The scammer had known I was vulnerable, too.
Scammers often took on military personas and constructed complex backstories.
The commander was obviously another scammer, too.
I was so thankful for Ruth’s help, I decided to volunteer, sharing my story and speaking to other victims.
Thankfully, my persistence with the banks has paid off, and they have agreed to reimburse my funds.
But this experience has changed me forever.
Cathy Brennan, 64