When my childhood crush became my brother, I thought it was the end of the road for our love. By Zoe Haughton, 38
I scribbled the date at the top of my diary and began writing my entry underneath.
Danny sat next to me today and I’m sure there was a spark.
I was 13 and in love with the boy who lived over the road. Danny was three years older than me and had blue eyes that twinkled and made me feel funny inside.
All the girls fancied him, so I didn’t think I stood a chance. But recently I’d noticed he was paying me a lot of attention.
‘He fancies you,’ my mum said to me.
Eventually I plucked up the courage to tell Danny how I felt. I knocked on his door and his dad Terry answered.
‘Is Danny in?’ I said.
‘I’m sorry, love,’ Terry replied. ‘He’s gone.’
‘Gone?’ I said. ‘Gone where?’
‘He’s moved back in with his mum,’ Terry said.
My heart plummeted.
Danny’s mum lived 60 miles away.
‘Will he be back soon?’ I asked.
‘I doubt it,’ Terry said.
I was heartbroken, but there was nothing I could do.
Two years went by, then one day I came home from school to find Terry sitting in the living room with my mum.
‘We’ve got something to tell you,’ Mum said.
My heart leapt thinking they had a message for me from Danny.
But instead Mum said: ‘Terry and I are a couple now.’
In time Terry moved in with us, yet there was never any talk of Danny coming to visit. But then Mum made an announcement.
‘We’re getting married,’ she said.
My first thought was: Danny will definitely come to the wedding!
It made me giddy, but the big day arrived and there was no sign of him.
Another two years went by, then one day Terry popped his head around my bedroom door and said: ‘Guess who’s coming to visit?’
I knew straightaway.
‘Danny!’ I said.
‘He’s staying for the weekend,’ Terry said. ‘Hope you don’t mind.’
‘Not at all,’ I said, my insides practically doing a jig with excitement.
In the days leading up to his arrival, I spent hours getting ready and practising saying hello to him.
But when the day came, I was a nervous wreck. The second I saw those sparkling blue eyes, I forgot everything I’d planned to say — I just stood there with my mouth opening and closing like a fish.
It was left to Danny to break the ice.
‘Hello, sis!’ he said.
And my hopes and dreams went through the floor.
Sis? I didn’t want to be his sister!
And worse was to come. As Danny told us all about his life, it turned out he had a girlfriend.
I felt so stupid.
I couldn’t wait for Sunday to arrive and for him to leave.
But over the next few months, Danny came to visit several times.
It was torture knowing he was with someone else.
Then one weekend he had news.
‘I’ve split up with my girlfriend,’ he said.
I tried not to get my hopes up but it was impossible.
And that night, after everyone else had gone to bed, the moment I’d been waiting years for finally arrived. As we chatted on the sofa, Danny leant over and kissed me.
It was amazing.
One thing led to another and we ended up in bed together.
It was a dream come true, but the next morning I looked at things with fresh eyes.
‘Is this weird?’ I said. ‘Your dad is married to my mum.’
‘We’re not related by blood,’ Danny replied. ‘But it does make things a bit complicated.’
We talked it over and agreed it had to be a one-off, so we decided not to tell anyone.
But over the next year it kept on happening. Every time Danny came to visit, we ended up in bed together. It was clear we couldn’t resist each other.
Then something happened that changed everything.
Danny and his dad had a falling-out and he stopped visiting. Soon after, Mum and Terry
broke up.
As a result, Danny and I lost touch. It was difficult to accept, but it was over between us before it had started.
I tried to put Danny out of my mind, and in time I met someone else. We got married and had two daughters.
Over the years, I thought about Danny from time to time and wondered how he was, but I
didn’t expect to see him again.
Eventually, my daughters grew up and moved out, and then my marriage broke down.
It was hard being on my own again after so long, but one day I was browsing on Facebook when
a familiar face flashed up.
It had been 20 years since I’d last seen those twinkling blue eyes, but I would have known them anywhere.
‘Danny!’ I gasped.
All at once, all my old feelings came rushing back. But I didn’t have the courage to make contact again.
For all I knew, he was married. Even if he wasn’t, he might not fancy me any more. Or worse, he might not even remember me!
But Danny had slipped through my fingers before and I’d regretted it. Maybe this was my chance to put things right.
So I sent a friend request — and back came a message.
Zoe, I’ve been trying to find you for years. I sent your sister a message three years ago, but she didn’t reply, so I assumed you didn’t want to know.
I couldn’t believe it.
I’d always want to hear from you, I replied. I’ve thought about you all the time over the years.
We messaged back and forth and then we exchanged numbers.
Hearing his voice for the first time in so long left me overcome with emotion.
It was as though I was 16 again.
‘I don’t know how he still has this effect on me,’ I told a friend. ‘It’s been years.’
Danny was living in Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, and he asked me to visit him.
I didn’t hesitate.
I caught the train and when I stepped out on to the platform, it was as if fireworks were exploding inside me.
Danny threw his arms wide open and I ran right into them.
And I thought: I’m home at last.
We spent a wonderful weekend together. In fact, it was so perfect I went back again the following weekend and the one after that.
Each time, it became harder and harder to leave, so one Monday morning I made a decision.
I went to see my boss at work and handed her a letter.
‘It’s my resignation,’ I said.
‘I’m moving to Milton Keynes to be with Danny.’
Her eyes widened.
‘Do you really think it’s wise to quit your job over a schoolgirl crush?’ she said.
I nodded.
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘It’s the most sensible thing I’ve ever done.’
I hoped that was true.
I hadn’t even told Danny about my plans and when I did, he was shocked.
‘I can’t let you give up everything,’ he said.
‘I want to,’ I told him. ‘I’ve already waited too long for you.’
‘I just don’t want you to regret it,’ he said.
‘I won’t,’ I replied.
And now, a year on, I feel the same way. Danny and I are still very much in love and we’re planning to get married.
In some ways I’m sad we missed out on so many years together, but I prefer to feel happy that we’re together at last.
I think the best things in life take time to get just right. And Danny was certainly worth the wait.
