She was wearing her dream frock, the wedding guests were waiting… so where was Rebecca’s groom?
Scrolling through Pinterest, I added a few more pics to my wedding board.
I’d just been made redundant, and hours of job searching every day had got depressing.
So, I cheered myself up by planning out my dream big day.
The colour scheme was pistachio and peach, and I’d spent an age designing my perfect dress.
I loved the idea of a short, swingy hemline.
My partner Daniel and I had been together since I was 18, but whenever I mentioned marriage, he’d change the subject.
Gradually, all our mutual friends tied the knot.
They were always asking when we were planning on following suit, and 10 years into our relationship, I was losing patience.
Though I’d never wanted children, I was desperate to become a wife.
My sense of self-worth was closely tied to the idea of someone ‘choosing’ me.
One New Year’s Eve, Daniel and I decided to throw a party.
But while we were setting everything up, we got back into the old argument about marriage.
‘Are you ever going to propose?’ I asked him.
‘It’s not even on my mind,’ he replied.
‘Well then, it’s over,’ I said. ‘If you’re not sure about me after a decade together, you’ll never be.’
I texted all our friends to cancel the party, and over the next year, our relationship broke down completely.
Keen to get myself back out there,
I decided to join a few dating apps.
No marriage-phobes! I specified on my profile.
I wasn’t going through that again.
'Are you ever going to propose?'
It wasn’t long before I started chatting with a guy named Tom, and things moved quickly between us.
On our third date, we were lying on my sofa when he asked me about my profile.
‘I feel the same way about marriage as you do,’ he told me. ‘It’s really important to me.’
Tom seemed totally devoted and it wasn’t long before we moved in together.
I felt sure I had finally found
my future husband.
And the fact that my ex had just married his new girlfriend didn’t bother me in
the least.
But after four years together, Tom began to change.
He’d stay out all night, but not say where he was.
Our relationship was on the rocks and I ended up moving out while we continued to work on it.
During that time, I was at my office when I stumbled across an article that caught my attention.
It was about an Italian woman who had married herself.
The idea appealed to me, and
I made a Facebook event for my 40th birthday, still a few years away.
Then I invited Tom.
‘If I’m not married by 40, then I’m going to marry myself,’ I told him. ‘You don’t have to be the groom, but I’m having a wedding!’
But then, my whole world turned upside down.
First of all, my beloved cat Gladys passed away.
Then I discovered the true cause of Tom’s weird behaviour — he’d been having an affair for the past year.
I blocked him on everything and sorted out more permanent accommodation.
Not only was I under enormous emotional strain, but I was also strapped for cash.
With vet bills for Gladys and a deposit for renting a new flat, I ended up £11k in debt. So over the next 10 months, I threw myself into paying everything off.
I worked five jobs, adding cleaning, bar work and an Etsy shop to my day job as a customer consultant.
My workload was so exhausting that I barely had time to think about my relationship.
Meanwhile, I also completed a short therapy course provided by my job.
‘What’s your goal with these sessions?’ asked the therapist.
‘I want to stop caring about getting married,’ I told her.
And a year later I was stronger, more independent, and totally debt-free.
To my delight, I was able to move into a house on my own.
Shutting my front door behind me, I felt liberated.
After both of my previous break-ups, I’d ended up in flat-shares or tenancies with
no furniture.
Now, I had something no one could take away from me.
Gradually, I began to realise that, although we lived in a very couple-oriented society, I was actually happier by myself.
That was when I received a Facebook reminder about my upcoming 40th.
And suddenly it seemed like the perfect plan.
No way was I letting all my wedding mood boards go to waste!
‘I’m going to go through with it,’ I told my sister. ‘I’m marrying myself!’
‘Don’t give up on meeting someone yet,’ she said.
‘You don’t understand, I don’t want to meet someone,’ I replied. ‘Besides, I need to wear my dream dress while I’m still young enough to pull it off!’
Scrolling through my old Pinterest boards and Excel spreadsheets, I found myself looking back at how far I had come.
Now, I was so much more in control of my own life than I’d ever been before.
However, all my old traditional plans seemed out of place for a solo wedding. I’d always loved Glastonbury, and eventually decided on a festival theme, with bunting, garlands, pom-poms and karaoke.
I promised myself I’d only work with people who were just as enthusiastic about my mission as I was.
Luckily, almost all the suppliers I spoke to were on board.
For the venue and catering, I booked a large function room at a nearby hotel.
The only element of the wedding which stayed identical to my original vision was the dress I’d designed all those years ago.
A quick search online led me to a dressmaker who was happy to put it together for a reasonable price.
And when I zipped myself up, it looked as beautiful as I’d always imagined.
In total, there were 76 guests. Instead of traditional pastels, my bridesmaids all wore jewel colours.
My brother-in-law James was a stand-up comedian in his spare time, so I asked him to MC.
‘Who’s going to tell her the groom hasn’t shown up?’ James joked with guests as they arrived.
As the opening bars of Good Thing by Reel Big Fish filled the function room, I kicked my way through the double doors.
I strode down the aisle as trumpets blared, and friends ‘played’ inflatable saxophones in true Glastonbury style.
After my big entrance, everyone sat round the tables for a speech from James.
‘Right, everyone get to your feet,’ he said. ‘And repeat after me — THIS. ISN’T. WEIRD!’
All the guests were in stitches and the party got started for real. The whole event was me to a tee.
We served cocktails with little moustaches as drink tokens and a tea-flavoured cake as a nod to my favourite beverage. There were Task Master challenges for the guests, and of course, we all joined in the karaoke.
I opened the night with Woman by Kesha and Young Hearts Run Free by Candi Staton.
Then my sisters, best friends and I belted out Simply the Best to cheers from the audience.
‘That’s hands down the best wedding I’ve ever been to,’ said friends and relatives as we headed off.
‘It’s the best wedding I could have asked for,’ I replied. ‘A groom would have ruined it!’
After the party, my bridesmaids had a surprise for me.
‘We’ve upgraded you to the bridal suite,’ they said.
‘You guys are the best,’ I sobbed, pulling them in for a hug.
That night, I stretched out on the kingsize bed, luxuriating in the extra room. When I was younger, I thought I needed a man to make me happy.
Now I realise that being happy alone isn’t a consolation prize.
Rebecca Holberry, 40, Stockport, Greater Manchester
• Daniel and Tom's named have been changed
Photos: Nath G Photography