I’d found love again in later life — but it came with a condition attached. By Sue Ablett, 72
As I peered through my binoculars, I spotted what I was looking for soaring high up in the sky.
A red kite, I thought, admiring the bird.
I was a regular at my local bird-watching evening class, and it was easily one of my favourite ways to spend some time.
After all, what was better than being out in nature, spotting beautiful birds, and making new friends?
The club was due to go on a day trip and I was so looking forward to it but, just before, I broke my collarbone and couldn’t drive.
‘Is there anyone in the group who could give me a lift?’ I asked the group leader.
‘Actually, there is,’ he replied.
It was a man called John. He was 10 years older than me, and always seemed friendly, so I gave him a call.
‘Of course I’ll give you a lift,’ he said.
He picked me up on the day of the trip and we chatted the entire way, discovering lots of things we had in common.
We were both divorced, enjoyed the great outdoors and loved travelling.
We got on like a house on fire, and spent the whole day together, and when he drove me back home, we arranged to see each other again.
Over the following months, we went for walks and got to know each other.
Then, during a camping trip with a friend in Cornwall, it hit me how much I’d grown to like John.
‘I think something could come of this,’ I said to my friend. ‘But I need to draw up a list of pros and cons.’
The thing was, my life was great and, much as I liked John, I was keen not to disrupt anything.
Most of all, I was keen to keep my independence as I’d been living life my own way for a long time.
In my 20s, I’d been married for about three years. My husband worked abroad a lot, and that’s when I’d realised how much I loved being by myself.
I didn’t want to let that go.
I enjoyed John’s company, though, so we decided to make a go of it.
'I think something could come of this'
But I told him: ‘Keeping my own house, money and independence is important to me.’
With that in mind, we spent time at each other’s houses and, as we lived nearby, neither of us had far to travel.
We were able to enjoy the time we spent together, while not feeling like we were on top of each other.
However, one day I had a bad car accident which meant I had to move into John’s bungalow while I recovered.
‘It just makes sense,’ he said.
While there, we briefly discussed getting a bigger place together.
However the more we thought about it, the more the doubts grew.
‘I think it’s best we keep things as they are,’ John said. ‘I really don’t fancy moving and I know you love your space.’
But one day, while walking our dog, I noticed something.
The house three doors down from John’s was up for sale.
And a plan began to form.
I rang up the estate agent to find out more, and put in an offer.
‘It’s ideal,’ I told my mum. ‘It means we’re closer to each other, and the dog won’t have far to go between houses.’
Mum always thought mine and John’s arrangement was slightly strange, and assumed we were splitting up.
But that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
‘Why don’t you just move in together?’ she asked.
‘This works for us,’ I said. ‘And it means we’ve always got space for guests!’
When the house sale was completed, I moved in a few doors down from John’s place in Leicester.
The neighbours were welcoming. After all, they’d known me from being round at John’s all the time.
At the housewarming party, a few friends raised eyebrows but others were envious of our living arrangement.
‘The ability to go and do your own thing is a great idea,’ one said.
‘I’d love do to it if I could afford it,’ another added.
We decorated our own places to suit our tastes — and there were no arguments or fighting over space.
John was happy to sit and read and look after the dog, while I loved to go out for a run or cycle. And we shared the chores with John doing all the cooking and me gardening for both houses.
Although we have a lot in common — we both love travelling, and have had many holidays together — we are different people. John thinks I’m too busy, but I couldn’t sit still for as long as he does.
So our arrangement makes sense.
In fact, I think it’s the key to our happiness and I do wonder if more couples could benefit from living separately.
I couldn’t imagine a better way to live!