Suzanne fancied doing something a bit different for 25 December – so she jetted off for some sexy seasonal fun!
Dangling a flip-flop off my big toe, I leant back in my chair and felt the sun on my face.
It was early December but rather than freezing back home in the UK, I was sitting at a bar in Las Palmas, Gran Canaria.
All around me were golden sandy beaches, sparkling blue sea, and smiling tourists enjoying the sights.
I’d always dreamt of spending Christmas in a hot country.
My four-year relationship had ended and my job meant working from home, so now I’d finally taken the plunge.
But there was another – much naughtier – reason for my trip.
I looked across the table at José, the sexy 50-something Spanish bloke I’d met on Facebook Dating the day before, and asked him the one question I’d been burning to ask.
‘So,’ I began. ‘Are there any sex clubs out here?’
‘Of course,’ he beamed, putting down his wine glass. ‘Welcome to the swingers’ capital of the world!’
As well as being a tourists’ fave, Gran Canaria boasted a number of famous ‘swingers’ or ‘wife-swapping’ clubs, where frisky couples could get it on with like-minded folk up for the cup.
Right up until my 40s, I had been what they call a ‘vanilla girl’ – a monogamous, married mum-of-two, who thought ‘experimenting’ in bed meant keeping the lights on.
But then my 10-year marriage had ended and I’d had a yearning to explore the steamier side of life.
So you name it, I’d tried it.
Fetish clubs with folks dressed up in latex and leather, sex dungeons, swingers’ parties…
There’d been no stopping me, and I’d found a sense of freedom and confidence I’d never thought I’d have.
Eventually I’d calmed down a bit and settled back down.
But now I was single, pushing 60, and though my libido wasn’t quite what it was, I still had plenty of oomph left in me.
Time to hop back on the saddle, I decided.
‘Are there any sex clubs out here?’
José and I were on the exact same wavelength and he started looking into some local naughty club nights.
But what he eventually suggested made my mouth flap open.
‘There’s a club having a sex party on Christmas Day,’ he grinned. ‘Fancy it?’
‘On Christmas Day itself?’ I said, nearly choking on my sangria.
I’d spent the previous Christmas with my grown-up kids and older parents, tucking into turkey, then a game of bingo.
But it looked like this year I’d be dealing with a different type of meat and veg!
José explained the party was at a famous club called Secret
in Maspalomas, a 40-minute drive away.
‘Count me in!’ I grinned.
Those next days were spent sightseeing and tasting the local dishes.
But when the big day finally arrived, I was buzzing with anticipation.
I had a traditional Christmas Day lunch – but on the beach in my swimsuit.
And I swapped secret Santa pressies with pals I’d made on a networking site.
As I tucked into a seasonal sausage, I suddenly spotted a huge cactus shaped like a bloke’s todger – another reminder of the delights to come!
That evening back at my rental apartment, I dolled myself up for the night ahead.
I put on a lacy red bra in a festive nod before slipping on a slinky black dress.
José collected me at 10pm and we drove off to the club.
As we walked in staff greeted us wearing Santa hats, but they were all fully dressed and there were no Christmas baubles flopping around – yet.
The other couples there were all nationalities, shapes, sizes and ages.
The oldest bloke must have been about 75 and the youngest in his early 20s, and there were loads of Spanish folk, Brits and a fair few Germans.
‘This is fantastic,’ I gasped to José, as we walked on to the dance floor and I took in the glittery decorations.
But of course it wasn’t your average club.
There was a huge Jacuzzi in one room, and lots of private rooms for those that wanted to dabble, plus an area marked ‘couples only’.
I felt a rush of excitement as I spotted another area marked ‘men only’ – for ladies who wanted to get off with lots of guys.
‘Shall we?’ said José, taking me to the dance floor for a little boogie and our first snog.
But soon we were headed to the hot tub where we whipped off our clothes and had some one-on-one fun in the bubbles.
Afterwards José spotted a British couple in their 50s and homed in on the blonde female and her bald, fit hubby.
‘I’d love to have some fun with her,’ he told me.
‘Go for it,’ I replied, grinning.
José and I weren’t in a relationship so I didn’t feel an ounce of jealousy.
The rules of the club were whatever happened, each couple had to stay nearby each other, so I sat and watched while José and his new pals stripped off and enjoyed some festive frolicking.
After they finished, I was determined to fill my boots too.
So I went on the sex swing with a lovely Spanish guy and we happily rocked back and forth.
Next I explored the ‘dark room’.
In the dimmed light I could only just make out the next lad’s eyes and mouth.
‘May I?’ he asked politely.
‘Yes, you may,’ I beamed as his hands started to go south
on me.
‘I’d love to have some fun with her’
The rules were that no one could touch anyone without their permission and José was like the perfect ‘ringmaster’, staying nearby to make sure that all the guys I went with had a condom on, just as I requested.
As I went at it with the next bloke, I was in my element.
Not being able to properly see what was going on gave it all an extra thrill.
Who wants a tin of Quality Street and a double dose of EastEnders, when you could be living it up like this for Crimbo?
I thought.
I ended up having sex with five different guys that night – and let’s just say a good time was had by all!
After three hot and heavy hours, José and I made our way back to the dance floor where in the good old tradition people were playing Christmas games.
It wasn’t quite charades though – people were jokily challenging each other at pole dancing.
José finally dropped me back at mine at 2am.
‘That was my best ever Christmas present by far,’ I said, giving him a demure peck on the cheek goodnight.
I spent Boxing Day just recovering, but
the memories kept me warm for weeks after.
Finally, I flew back home.
And though I didn’t tell the minute details of my trip to my kids, they knew their mum was the adventurous type and their only concern was that I was happy.
My adventures have continued.
Earlier this year a companion and I visited the nudist village of Cap d’Agde in France where people are totally starkers and let it all hang out at the local shops, bars and restaurants.
I managed to indulge in a bit of risqué fun over there
as well.
This year I’ll be having a quiet family Christmas, but on 31 December I’ll be jetting back out to Gran Canaria to enjoy a much sexier ‘feast’.
But this time I won’t be hitting the clubs with José – he has settled down with a girlfriend now.
There will be some people who think that, at 62, I should be reining it in.
But I’d recommend swinging to ladies of any age, whether they’ve just started feeling a bit invisible post-menopause, or they’re in a long-term relationship that needs a bit of spice.
I now have 137,000 followers on my TikTok channel sexadviceforseniors, who love hearing about my raunchy exploits and my tips on how to enjoy a better sex life when you’re an old bird like me!
Swinging can definitely help put a spring in your step and doing it at Christmas adds that extra excitement.
Merry Bonk-mas everyone!
Suzanne Noble, 63, London
● Follow Suzanne on TikTok @sexadviceforseniors