When Bethan moved in with her fella, they had an unusual house rule — three’s allowed…
As I sprawled on the sofa, my dating app pinged with a notification.
Reaching for my phone, I saw that I’d matched with a man called David.
Scanning his photos, it was clear from his greying hair and wrinkles that he had decades on me.
He’s too old, I thought.
David looked like he was in his late 50s.
I was only 27 and lived with my parents.
Only, most guys my age had always struck me as idiots with a one-track mind.
Try something new, a little voice in my head piped up.
So, I decided to give the stranger, who I discovered was 58, a chance.
Taking a deep breath, I tapped out a message.
'I've never done this before'
_
Cards on the table, I’m not comfortable with the age gap,_ I replied.
It’s just a number, David replied. I’d love to get to know you.
After messaging back and forth, David asked to call me.
I suffered with anxiety, so my stomach was in knots.
But as soon as we started talking, my nerves vanished.
We couldn’t stop laughing.
‘I have a confession,’ I said. ‘I’m bisexual and polyamorous. I’ve never explored it before but I’ve felt this way my whole life.’
‘You’re kidding!’ David said. ‘I have another girlfriend and my ex-wife also still lives with me.’
I couldn’t believe it. It was unconventional, but I barely felt a flicker of shock.
It just meant we were on the same page.
For the next few hours, David and I delved into a conversation about polyamory — where people had multiple romantic, and sexual, partners.
‘My biggest fear was meeting someone who couldn’t accept my lifestyle,’ he said.
It felt as if we’d known each other a lifetime.
After that, we called each other every day.
A week later, we arranged to meet for our first date at a café.
Before I left the house, I broke the news to my mum and dad.
‘I’m meeting an older man,’ I said.
‘OK,’ Mum said. ‘As long as you’re happy.’
'That another girlfriend of David's?'
‘I’m happy if you are,’ Dad agreed.
To my relief, they were nothing but supportive.
Suddenly, I felt more at ease about the age gap.
But as I came face to face with David later that day, a wave of uncertainty washed over me.
He looks even older in real life, I thought.
To most people, we probably looked like father and daughter.
But despite our age gap, David and I shared the same sense of humour and taste in music.
In time, he opened up about his ex-wife.
They’d always enjoyed pushing the boundaries in bed during their marriage.
But two years before, they divorced.
Despite this, they were still living together and dating other people.
‘Do you sleep together?’ I asked.
‘No, we just share the same house,’ he said.
David also had another girlfriend, Tina, who was older than him.
‘I’ve never done this before,’ I said, heart racing. ‘But I’m willing to explore.’
From that day on, to avoid any awkwardness with his ex-wife, David and I slept together in hotels.
We had a steamy sex life — David became my ‘Daddy’ or dom and I was his ‘Little’ or submissive.
My feelings grew stronger for him and I fell madly in love.
After a few months of hotel-hopping, David had had enough.
One afternoon, he took me home. As I walked into the living room, his ex-wife was standing there.
‘Cristina, this is my girlfriend, Beth,’ he announced.
I fiddled nervously with my hands.
Was she about to burst our bubble?
‘Welcome,’ she smiled. ‘Come on in.’
The tension disappeared — she was absolutely lovely.
Months later, I moved in with David and Cristina.
After that, whenever David and I watched TV or cooked dinner, Cristina would join us.
At first, it was nice.
But after a while, I felt like she didn’t want us to be alone.
Sometimes, when I’d leave the room, I’d hear her whispering to David.
But I rose above it, knowing it was me David was taking back to his bedroom.
Meanwhile, David continued seeing his other girlfriend, Tina.
We wanted to make sure we were all comfortable with each other’s partners.
So Tina, Cristina, David and I spent quality time together at home.
Tina was so sweet and we got on well.
Becoming friends with her made it easier to share our man.
David even took Tina and me to dinner one night.
But when the waiter came over, he looked bewildered.
‘What’s the dynamic here?’ he blurted out.
‘They’re my partners,’ David replied.
The man was stunned!
Another time, a waiter asked if Tina was David’s wife and I was his stepdaughter.
Again, David put him straight.
We didn’t let it bother us and just laughed it off.
In time, I began dating other women, too.
We’d occasionally have the odd threesome with David, but we mainly dated separately.
My new life was liberating and freeing.
Not long after, I was at Mum’s on the phone when she overheard a woman’s voice.
‘That another girlfriend of David’s?’ she joked.
‘Yeah, sort of,’ I said.
‘What?’ she gasped.
Just tell her, I told myself, gathering my courage.
‘David’s polyamorous,’ I explained.
I didn’t have the heart to tell Mum I was, too.
I needed to ease her into our alternative lifestyle gently.
I tried my best to reassure her that things were still rosy between us — and ended up giving her a crash course on polyamory, too.
I explained how it was much more than bed-hopping and that we cared about our intimate partners.
But there was no shying away from it — she was upset about my confession.
It was not what she’d had in mind for her daughter.
Dad had the same reaction, too.
Although they’d accepted our age gap, this was a step too far.
Over time, they found out I was seeing other women.
It was tough for them to wrap their heads around, but eventually, despite their reservations, they realised it was my decision to make.
But not everyone approved.
I was devastated when I discovered David’s sister had branded me a gold-digger.
‘I’m hardly loaded,’ David would laugh on the phone to her, defending me.
But she refused to believe him and wouldn’t even meet me.
Despite this, David and I were too smitten to care what people thought.
Since then, our relationship has gone from strength to strength.
But people still confuse us for father and daughter.
If they do, I’ll plant a smacker on David’s lips and purr: ‘I love you, Daddy’.
That tends to shut them up!
Our sexy set-up may not be to everyone’s taste, but it works for us.
When the green-eyed monster occasionally rears its head, I tell myself a little jealousy is healthy.
And after all, it's me he's choosing to be with every day.
Bethan Coughlan, 28, Hull, East Yorkshire
*Cristina and Tina’s names have been changed.